A sense of belonging

[Johnny C.]

I often feel alone. When I wake up in the morning that's the first thing that usually comes to my mind. I feel as though I have no purpose in life and nothing to live for. And that scares me. Luckily I've gotten a lot better at identifying that thinking as an aggressive mental suggestion. I recognize it's not part of my thought but I can't seem to get rid of it. I know that God loves me and will never leave me, and my friends love and appreciate me as well. Why can't that be enough to expunge these ideas from my head? With this repetition of bad thoughts I become afraid. Usually after starting my daily activities they go away, but what if one day I'm not able to fight them off any more?

One thing that I work with is my belief in God. I know that will always be there. When I'm unsure about everything else I know that God is the one constant in my life. Fear, abondon, hate, any negetive thoughts seem to come and go in a material world and I've learned not to depend on them.

Anyway that's all for right now, these are just some things that I'm working on. Any inspiration is welcomed. Thanks guys.

[rogerg]

That's good you know that God loves you and will never leave you, and it's good to know that your friends love you as well. But... do you love yourself? I think this is a tricky question in Christian Science because so often we're taught to be humble. But being humble does not mean disliking oneself. Being humble simply means that we recognize God made us and that God is the source of our wonderfulness. You are a special person, and it's not prideful or selfish of you to acknowledge that fact. Actually, I think it's self[I]less[I] of you to realize that you are a pretty cool guy. By acknowledging this, you find an awakened desire to do what you love to do, and by doing that, you serve the world, and by serving the world, you are being selfless.

Jesus said that we should love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. That's a lot to ask for. But when you get right down to it, loving God first is the BEST thing you can do. And if you love God, you have to love yourself, because God made you wonderful! It actually would be hypocritical and contradictory to love God and not love yourself.

When I went to a CS summer camp several years ago, we were all made to write a love letter to ourselves. It was one of the most wonderful experiences I've ever had, and it wasn't egotistical of me either. Nor was it cheesy and sentimental. I needed a self-boost to help lift me out of aggressive thinking about myself. That helped me realize that there was a deeper presence of Love in my life and that by not loving myself I was turning my back on God. Gradually I got lifted out of that mindset, and I think that right now I am more of a blessing to the world than I was then.

Why don't you try writing a love letter to yourself? It might be fun. It's a chance to praise what's wonderful about you, and by so doing, you are praising what's wonderful about your creator.

[AVERT303]

Roger, that is a wonderful idea.

Loving one's self is so important. And, like Roger said, it's far from egotistical, it is practical. Why? Because God is Love. If Love is seen in love, then the best way we can get to know Love is by viewing ourselves with a loving sense.

And Johnny, this thought that has come to you in the morning is not your thought and has no origin in "your head." Matter, or brain, is not capable of intelligence. Divine Mind is the originator of all things, all intelligence, and created only an infinite creation of good ideas and thoughts. If this is true, and indeed it is, where is there room for a negative thought? There is no room. A misleading thought is no part of infinite Life, Soul, Love. Your Mind is God and God is your Mind...and Mind is Love.

So to "expunge these thoughts" you can do it through Love's infinite and immediate power and what it knows. Begin the morning with your thought, a loving thought — "Wow, I am so grateful to be consciously aware of God's goodness, my Christ-like self, and of this beautiful day! Let's see what part of Life's infinite good will be revealed today!"

[JD]

Guys, I can totally relate. Both Johnnie and Roger, I appreciate what you wrote. I haven't dealt with this in a long time, but I remember a time period in my life, in my early twenties, where I also struggled with the same sort of thoughts sometimes. What's rediculous, as I look back, is that I was just as good of a person then as I am now, and I should have just been happy about life.

In Science and Health, on page 564, Mary Baker Eddy writes:
"From Genesis to the Apocalypse, sin, sickness, and death, envy, hatred, and revenge, — all evil, — are typified by a serpent, or animal subtlety. Jesus said, quoting a line from the Psalms, "They hated me without a cause." The serpent is perpetually close upon the heel of harmony. From the beginning to the end, the serpent pursues with hatred the spiritual idea."

Wow! That's pretty strong stuff isn't it?! Almost like it was portrayed in the Lord of the Rings movies how the bad guys evilly pursued the Hobbits with a passion, to contest their quest to destroy the ring.

But I think that this hints that we -- whatever age we might be -- need to protect our innocence and goodness. Sometimes, when a young person has to venture out in the grown-up world, they can encounter a harshness of thought that they've never felt before. Anything that would tell a young person that they are not good enough, that they are not valued for who they are, that they have to conform or "settle" for mediocrity, or that their dreams are too distant and unattainable... a lot of these thoughts really are not from God, and ones that would try to dissuade us from being happy with our true selves. So we need to figure out how to protect our innate goodness (and happiness with ourselves), our pure thoughts about who we are, our interests, our childlike joys and love for good things in life.

This might tie in with the title of another current forum on this site about Class Instruction. It really helped me to begin praying about taking this step when I was in my early 20's (I've talked to others who began praying about it in thier teens). We sincerely do need to protect our innocence and goodness, to value who we are, to build a life of love and to feel comfortable and happy living life to the fullest. We need to learn how to protect ourselves so that we can do all that. And being in an association with a Christian Science teacher and having that wonderful manifestion of God's love and protection, is a great way to help us do this -- along with being involved with Church, and studying Christian Science on our own.

One other thing I will add, is that life does get better and better, if we stick with knowing that God is our life. And following the light of inspiration, as it comes to us. Life changes too, and at some point down the road, it will be a distant memory that will be hard to recall that we might have ever had such a problem, as we might seem to be dealing with at a certain point in our journey.

The more we turn to God, the more we will discover the beauty of the treasures He is ALWAYS providing us.

[ChristieC]

One thing I've found myself doing more recently is waking up singing a hymn or saying a favorite quote from the Bible. It's such a nice way to start your day and can block out mortal mind's attempts at ruining your day. Sometimes I catch myself lying in bed still half asleep, but thinking about how I have to get out of bed soon. That's when I start singing versus from hymns because I think that time when your still lying in bed is a crucial point for how your day starts out...and then how it's going to be. It's important to go through your days with excitment and joy. It seems so easy to get caught up in the monotonous routine of things. So don't let yourself get caught in that trap, change up your day, go out to eat for lunch if you normally go home, or wake up early and go for a run if you usually wake up with just enough time to get to work, or school. Enjoy the beauties of Life and Love!

Here's a nice thought from hymn 263:

Only God can bring us gladness,
Only God can give us peace;
Joys are vain that end in sadness,
Joy divine shall never cease.
Mid the shade of want and sorrow
Undisturbed, our hearts rejoice;
Patient, wait the brighter morrow;
Faithful, heed the Father's voice.

[d.rounds]

From S & H: 8:28

We should examine ourselves and learn what is the affection and purpose of the heart, for in this way only can we learn what we honestly are.

I think that if you wake up every day, feeling like your life is pointless, it may do you some good to think about what you love to do, and to understand that "what you love to do" and "what your purpose in life is" are very much connected.

Certainly, you should also love yourself - perhaps you're reluctant because you feel like you should love others first, or that you're unworthy. The biblical directive here is to "love your neighbor as yourself," implying that you must love yourself as well.

As for worthiness, the first of the two commandments that Jesus gives us (the other one being the golden rule, as stated above) is to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart [,soul, etc]." Part of doing that is appreciating his creation - of which you are a part.

[Inge]

I didn't catch this topic when it was first posted, but am grateful I found it this time around. I've been dealing with some similar beliefs in my own work, so everyone's thoughts have been really useful!

One of the citations that really stood out to me in this week's lesson on Soul is on page 306 in S&H. Ms. Eddy writes: "Undisturbed amid the jarring testimony of the material senses, Science, still enthroned , is unfolding to mortals the immutable, harmonious, divine Principle,--is unfolding Life and the universe, ever present and eternal." Two things strike me-- first that she says amid the jarring senses. Sometimes I read and read and while things make sense and I know they are true, I have a feeling of "if only I could get rid of this completely unsettled feeling that is mesmerizing me then I'll be able to see this perfection." But here, it's AMID the jarring material senses. Second, Science is still enthroned. In the various situations I've been dealing with, I was so overwhelmed by the big picture of feeling alone and apart from God with some pretty dreary days, that I was overlooking the evidences of Science, still enthroned. I sat down and made a list of those other little details the other day, and it was a very healing process to see that even when I was at "man's extremity" there were still evidences of God's care, even in the minutae.

Lastly, when I was thinking about this citation yesterday as I walked home from work, the story of Jesus calming the storm came to mind. The disciples were running around the ship in a frenzy, they had very much succumbed to the material picture of stormy weather, uncomfortable situations, fear, etc. But the Christ was always there. They were not thrown off the boat or harmed otherwise, in spite of how convinced they were of the stormy picture--science was still enthroned. And as soon as they called on the Christ, the storm was instantly stilled, and they suffered no ill effects.